So, um…  I’m really not sure what you’d want to know about someone who writes your smut?  I live in Australia.  I’m in a relationship.  No, it isn’t open :)  Somewhere along the line I started talking about partner as partner on here, and that seems to have stuck.  Partner doesn’t like reading smut, and doesn’t, so ya’all out there know a side of me that people in my real life don’t…  um, yay?

There a little about me mixed through the blog, and an interview over here, should you care.   Although it feels like knowing too much about me might get a little creepy for both of us.  Like you too.  Since you don’t necessarily want to know too much, do you?  Because like I used to say more, um, bluntly, before I went and, um, wrote about myself in the blog a lot.  Creepy.  Like how back in the day you might not have necessarily wanted a close personal relationship with the porno video shop clerk, you’d rather just get your stuff hidden in a bag and go without making eye contact.  And all that…

So anyways, I’m not sure what else you might want to know.

I get insomnia, and that’s often when I write.  Then I spend the whole next day editing it and fixing mistakes, because I’m kind of shit at grammar and proof-reading, and slow at it, and I really, really apologize for that.  I catch what I can, and fix mistakes when I see them, but I’m doing this all myself and copyediting really isn’t a strength.  So I’m sorry, and I am doing my best, and I will fix anything anyone tells me about, I promise.

Um, I also don’t read.  Much, like ever.  Which is weird and surprises people when I say, because I’m trying to be a writer, so that’s probably about the most interesting thing about me.  And it also, kind of obviously, it means I can’t read your thing.  Even when that seems rude, because you read mine, I still can’t.   I’m really sorry about that, but I read very slowly, and I also end up stealing all the ideas in anything I read and trying to use them in mine, and that just seems bad.  Um, seriously.

I don’t know how to be a blogger either, actually, because I never was before this.  So I’m vaguely aware I’m always being rude and not following people back and everything.  I look at your stuff sometimes, but I don’t really do much else.  So I’m really sorry for that too.  Just while I’m apologizing.  Mostly that’s about worrying about not doing it right or missing people or offending people or I really have no idea what.  Like social anxiety stuff anyway, and go read about it here if you must!

Um, other stuff.  I like shoes.  I like fashion.  And also liking fashion here and here and here :)  I like buildings, too, weirdly.  I don’t particularly like the beach, which I get is just totally not what you expect from an Australian.  I play video games a bit, especially first-person shooters.  I don’t like airplanes or airports or flying, at all.  How’s that for some stuff?  Because I don’t really know what else to say?

Um, because someone asked…  Yes partner is real.  Yes, I’m really taken.  Read this.  Yes I really am in Australia.  Um, wtf?

So what else.

I used to swear a lot here.  For some reason I stopped.  I presume its deeply psychological about how I’m getting more comfortable with this and don’t need to keep up a grumpy exterior or something.  Um, that is, I mostly stopped, but I still fucking swear a fucking lot sometimes because I’m fucking Australian.  Just saying.

Um, with the getting comfortable….  no, a bit weirdly, this isn’t my real name.  No, I’m not telling you it.  No, you’re not getting a photo.  I’m a bit paranoid about all that, so I don’t really do email or social media, but you can try if you want.  So email’s here, with screenfulls of warnings and qualifiers, or there’s pinterest, which I do, or also twitter erratically.  And Wattpad, obviously.  I’m sorry, but the rest of the social medias I don’t really use, and to be honest I forgot the goodreads password a year ago and never bothered sorting that out.   So anyways, yes, the fake name thing is a bit weird, I know, but this is stuff I don’t really want my mother reading.  I mean, you probably don’t want your mother reading it either, even though she probably is, but unfortunately, my mother would, if she saw my name, and there’s a few other people in the world I don’t necessarily want thinking they know every pervy fantasy I ever had, so this way seems best.  And I know the internet isn’t necessarily that anonymous and clever people have their ways, but I’d be really grateful if you didn’t.  Really.  Please.

Also, there’s a more confessional blog thingy that wanders into the fairly bdsmy sometimes, so basically, if you’re into bdsm it’s probably too tame and if you aren’t its probably too extreme, but if you’d like to, it’s here.  And kind of read the warning!

So I guess the only other thing is you can talk business if you want, but I’m not signing anything with my real name, so that probably makes it a bit harder.  If you’re talking serious business and you want to pay my lawyer who I don’t have yet to set up a LLC that holds my copyright and someone else signs as an officer of the LCC, then yay, lets talk!  Seriously.  But otherwise, um, people have asked, and it just isn’t going to happen, and I’m sorry for that too.

Anyways, there’s more about me in the blog if you really care, but probably you should go read a story instead.   I promise I don’t have nearly the interesting life you probably think.  It’s all my imagination and shit.  Really!  I’m totally and completely boring.