Autofellatio

Megan was still in bed when the doorbell rang.  It was Saturday morning, and she liked to sleep in, because she didn’t really have anything to get up for, anyway.

The doorbell rung again, and she ignored it.  She stayed where she was, hoping whoever was at the door would go away.

The bell rung a third time, and now there was knocking.  After a moment her phone started buzzing too.

That meant it was someone who knew actually knew her, not just someone selling things.

She decided she’d better go and look.

She went and opened the door, and then stood there scowling.

It was Travis, her annoyingly healthy and cheerful friend.

She had one healthy friend because one was enough, and not that many cheerful friends either.  Not cheerful this early in the morning.

Healthy was probably something to do with why Travis was here.  He’d probably been for a run, or at his yoga, or whatever else he did, and then just had to stop by to see her.  Because he felt so unspeakably perky and cheerful after all his early-morning exercise and wanted to share it with everyone.

She stood there and looked at him and tried to decide what to say.  She needed something bitchy, something so harsh he’d never do this again.

She couldn’t think of a thing.

After a moment she realized he’d brought food, too.  That just made it worse.  He was standing there holding two paper cups and a paper bag, and she didn’t need to look to know the cups held some kind of uncaffeinated hippy drink and the bag a high-fiber granola bagel, or something equally awful.

He was standing in her doorway with that shit.  First thing in the morning.

She couldn’t deal with it.

She turned around and went back to bed.

She didn’t actually speak.  Just turned, and went back to bed.  She left the door open, though, so he could come inside, even though she’d been tempted not to.

She went to her bedroom, and Travis followed her.  He followed her right into her bedroom, and sat on her bed.

That was a bad sign.

That he was here at all meant he’d forgotten how crabby she got first thing in the morning.  That he was in her bedroom as well meant he wanted something, and was going to be persistent, so she wasn’t going to get to go back to sleep no matter what.

“Please don’t fucking wake me up,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t.

“You’re awake already,” he said.  He was sensible like that.

He just sat there, holding his shitty breakfast, waiting.  She pulled the covers up, and put her pillow over her head, hoping he’d go away.

He didn’t.

She gave up.  She sat up.  “Why are you here?” she said.

“To see you.”

She looked at him for a moment, trying to decide how someone could like her, and be around her, and not know her at all.  And decide why she still wanted to know him when he acted like this.

And why he answered all her questions in such a stupid fucking way.

“I’ll still be here later,” she said.  “When it’s not so early.”

“It’s eleven.”

“Yeah, eleven on a Saturday.  Early.”

He kept looking at her.

“What do you want?” she said.

“It’s a lovely morning.  I wanted to see you.”  He held out one of his drinks.  “Here.”

Megan ignored it.  “What do you want right now?” she said.  Slowly, since he was acting intentionally stupid.  “Why are you here?  Right now?”

He kept holding out the paper cup.

Suspicious, Megan took it.  She sniffed carefully.  It was something herbal.  She put it down on the beside table.

“Could you go make me coffee?” she said.

“Coffee isn’t good for you.”

“Waking me the fuck up isn’t good for me, but you just did.”

He looked at her for a moment.  “Will you be in a better mood if I do?”

“Ah yeah,” Megan said.  “Fucking obviously.”

To her surprise, he got up and went out into the kitchen.

He really must want something.  Something big.

It was probably sex.  They’d slept together a few times, just for fun, and he seemed to see her as a kind of convenient fuck-buddy when he couldn’t pull anyone else.

Like she did him.

More than a few times, actually.  Enough she should probably think about why she wasn’t getting laid enough anywhere else.

“How do I work it?” Travis called from the kitchen.

Megan shouted instructions until she heard noises that sounded approximately right.

“Could you bring water too,” she shouted.  She’d been out last night and had a dry mouth.

Travis brought her both.

She sipped the coffee, and he hadn’t fucked it up.  It tasted all right.  She started to feel a lot better.  Better enough to be suspicious again.  “So why are you really here?” she said.  “What do you want.”

He looked a bit embarrassed.

“Oh fuck,” she said.  “You’ve got a rash you can’t reach, haven’t you?  You need me to rub something on it.”

He laughed, like she was the funniest person in the world, which was nice.  Except how she hadn’t actually been joking.  So apparently it wasn’t a rash.

“Just tell me,” she said.

He nodded, but kept looking uncomfortable.  “We’re friends, right?” he said in the end.

“Yeah.”  Megan shrugged.  “Of course.”

“And we’re still sleeping together sometimes, yeah?”

She had think for a moment to work that out.  She was still waking up.  “We’re still fucking?  Is that what you said?”

“Ah,” he said.  “Yeah.”

“You want to fuck?”

“That isn’t what I said.”

“Well we can.  I mean, I’m not doing anything else right now.  So yeah, if you want.”  She kicked the covers back a bit, to show she meant it.  “Get undressed.  Hop in.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

This was getting a bit weird.  Too weird for first thing in the morning.  “So what do you mean?”

He looked around a bit, and didn’t answer, and that looking around, and being all evasive, made her suddenly realize.

It was sex, and it wasn’t just fucking.  It was something weird.

“You want to do something kinky,” she said. “Don’t you?”

He didn’t answer, but his face said yes.

She almost laughed.  She almost called him a perve and laughed herself silly.  She didn’t because he was a friend, and because sex with him was actually been pretty decent and she wanted to again.

And because he might be into something she wanted to do too.

Although it was a bad sign he was so embarrassed.

“So,” she said.  “What is it?”

“Do you remember I said I was working on flexibility in my yoga class.”

Megan sat there, completely blank.  She didn’t actually listen when he started going on about his new-age stuff, but she wasn’t sure he realized that.

“Um,” she said carefully.  “I might.  Remind me anyway?”

He sighed, so he probably did realize she didn’t listen.

“I’ve been concentrating on flexibility,” he said.

“Cool.  Good for you.”

“A specific kind of flexibility.”

She shrugged.  “Okay.”

“You teased me about it at the time.”

Megan sat there for a moment, then suddenly remembered.  “Oh right,” she said.  “Sucking your own dick.  That?”

Travis nodded.

“So how’s that going?” Megan said, ready to tease him again.

“Yeah.”

“So can you?” Megan said.  “Because I’d pay to see that.”

Travis just sat there.

“I would,” Megan said, grinning.  “I fucking mean it, dude.  I’ll give you money.”

Travis was still just sitting there.

Megan stopped grinning.  She looked at him carefully, then said, “Oh shit.  You can.”

Travis didn’t answer.

“You can?” she said.

After a moment, he nodded.  And looked embarrassed.

“Oh shit,” Megan said.  “I mean, just fuck me.  That’s…”

She thought.  Travis waited.

“That’s a bit weird,” Megan said.  “But also actually really fucking cool.  How long have you been doing that?”

“A month or so.”

“Shit.  And you’ve left the house?”  She started to grin again.  “I don’t mean to criticize, but maybe you aren’t doing it right.  Because if I could…”

“Ha ha.  You’re really fucking funny.”

“Yeah ha ha.  So don’t get weird about it and I won’t tease.  What’s going on?”

He shrugged.

“Why’re you telling me?”  Megan said.

He didn’t answer.

“You are telling me, right?” Megan said, thinking.  “Like telling me so this is all important.”

“Yeah.  I guess I had an idea.”

“Cool.”  Megan was still thinking about him sucking his own cock.  “Can I watch?”

Travis shrugged.

“Can I?  Seriously, I really want to.  And what’s the idea?”

“Kind of what I was going to talk to you about.  Watch if you want, but also, do you want to have sex?”

“Yep.  Sure.”  She was puzzled.  “I said yeah before.  Get in.”

“No, I…”  He was blushing.  He was really uncomfortable.

Megan realized she was getting a bit carried away.  Teasing him a bit much.

“Hey,” she said, calming down.  “What’s up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Dude,” Megan said.  “I’m listening.  I’m not giving you shit.  What’s up?”

Travis didn’t answer.  He was still a bit flushed.

“So have sex with me,” Megan said.  “Yes to that.  Of course.  But what was the other thing?”

No answer.

“Please?”

Still nothing.

She leaned over, and poked his side, and said, “I’m going to keep doing that until you tell me.”

He pushed her away, so she poked him again.

“Fuck,” he said.  “Do you want to have sex with me, while I do that.”

“While you suck your cock?”

He started to blush again.  Her mistake.

“I’m really not being difficult,” Megan said.  “Really.  Sorry.  I just wasn’t sure…”

“Not me,” Travis said.  “While I do you.  Fuck, Meg, think about it.”

She didn’t quite get it.  “I’m thinking, but…”

“I put it inside you, and lick you too.”

Megan sat there, a bit stunned.  “Could you actually do that?”

“I don’t know.  I think so, but I’m not sure.”

“Oh.”

“But do you want to try?”

“Well fuck yes.  Of course.”  Megan sat there for a moment, still surprised.  “Seriously?  You think you can?”

Travis nodded.

“Or just hope you can?”  Megan said.

“Think.  Enough to try.”

“Cool.”

Megan couldn’t quite get her head around it.  She sat there, looking at him.

“Sorry,” Travis said suddenly.  “Shit, maybe we shouldn’t…  I just thought, because you seemed so…”

“What?” Megan said.  “Ah, no dude.  We’re trying.”

“You don’t seem that sure.”

“I want to,” Megan said.  “I really fucking want to.  I was just thinking about how.”

Travis didn’t seem convinced.

“We are,” Megan said.  “Of course we are, after you say something like that.  Stop being a dick.”

Travis nodded.

“Just,” Megan said.  “Um, hold on a sec.”

It was still first thing in the morning.  She put down the coffee mug, and slid out of bed, and went to the bathroom, quickly.  Because she needed to, a bit desperately. Hoping that wasn’t too weird a change in conversation, and hoping he didn’t care.

Not that he should get to have an opinion, since they were just friends, and she thought that meant she could pee and burp and fuck him without shaving her legs.

Which she was about to do.

She went back into the bedroom, and climbed into bed.  “Okay,” she said.  “So, what.  How does this work?”

“I really have no idea.”

“The you sucking it thing.  How do you?”

“Usually, kind of on my back.”

“Okay.”

“So head down, legs up the wall.”

Megan thought.  “Show me.”

“In a sec.  I think you’ll need to be on top, though.  Holding yourself up.”

Megan nodded.  That made sense.

“And aiming,” Travis said.  “You’ll need to do all the aiming.  To get on me.  I won’t be able to move much.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

They both sat there.

After a moment Megan said, “Um, so, are we?”\

“Yep.”

“So how about the starting?  Get on the wall.”

“I thought we should get, I don’t know, warmed up a bit first.”

Megan shrugged, and grinned.  “Yeah, all right.  Want dinner too?”

He glared at her.

“No?”

“No.”

“So kiss me, you dick,” she said.

They made out for a while.  Megan took off the shorts and tee shirt she slept in, and Travis undressed, and they spent a while kissing and stroking each other.  Fucking Travis had always been more like getting a massage, Megan thought.  Friendly and comfortable, but not really sexy.

“Ready?” she said, after a while, curious enough to be impatient.  He was hard, and she was wet, so there didn’t seem any reason to waste more time if he was going to do fancy tricks.

“Hold on,” Travis said, and got out of bed, and started doing yoga.

Megan sat up and looked at him.  He was actually going yoga, lying on the floor, waving his arms and legs in the air.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Megan said.

“Stretching.”

“You don’t need to stretch to fuck.”

“Like this?  Yeah I do.”

She decided he might have a point.  She lay back and stared at the ceiling and waited.

After a few minutes he reappeared.

“Finally,” Megan said.

Travis turned around on the bed, and lay on his back, his ass on the pillow, his legs up the wall, and his hands under his hips, pushing upwards.  Kind of like he was doing the bicycle exercise, pedaling in mid-air.

He was still hard.  His cock was sticking out away from his body.

Megan watched.  Fascinated.  Profoundly curious.

“Okay,” she said.  “So go on.  Let’s see.”

He grinned, and pushed, and lifted up his head, and put the end of his cock in his mouth.

“Fuck,” Megan said, actually impressed.  Deeply impressed.  “That’s just…”

She didn’t know what it was.  She went quiet, and just stared.

It was strange to watch.  Strange, but hot too.  Like porn, in a very odd way, except that it was Travis.  So like finding a friend’s home-made porn stash and watching that, rather than porn with strangers.

An odd mix of awkward and really quite endearing.

Megan hadn’t ever watched someone give a blowjob in real life before, so she wasn’t really sure what to expect.  Not in real life, outside of porn.  She had no idea if what she did was normal, or what someone else might to.

Travis was doing it pretty basically, but she supposed that doing it all was what mattered.  He sucked the end of himself.  Just sucked, hardly did anything else.  He seemed only to be able to reach the head, and only with a stretch.

But still.  She was impressed.

Megan wanted to tell him to use his tongue, to lick, because he liked that when she did it.

She made herself not.  It wasn’t the right time.

After a moment she leaned over, and licked his balls.  Just to help.  Because why not, since they were doing this.  He might as well get some weird and sexy himself, since she was about to.  And because she quite liked to lick balls anyway.  It seemed more intimate than just sucking a cock.

He sucked, and she licked, and it was really quite nice.  Friendly and tender and an utterly weird thing to do.

After a few minutes he stopped sucking and said, “Maybe we should get on with this.”

Megan nodded.  Travis probably didn’t want to get too turned on if they were supposed to be trying something else.  Or use up all his stretch before they started.

“Yep,” she said, and sat up.  She stopped, looking at him, thinking where to go, and what to hold onto.

“You’ll need to face me, I think,” he said.

She nodded.  She’d thought of that.  She be turned around, though, which meant she couldn’t hold onto the bed-head.

She’d need to balance.

She’d also need to be ready for his cock.  She rubbed herself quickly, made sure she was wet, then crouched over him.

She lowered herself carefully.

He seemed precariously balanced, and she didn’t want to knock him over and injure him somehow.  Since he was all stretched and yoga-ed and everything, he might be easier to hurt.

She lowered herself onto his cock, peering down between her knees to aim.

She felt a bit like a porn star, and a bit like she was getting an exam.  She wanted to giggle.  Because of what they were trying to do, she had her knees apart, and her pussy pointed at Travis’s face, and all the kneeling and stretching and technical discussion somehow made that worse than just lying on her back with her legs apart waiting to get head.

“Out the way,” she said, but he didn’t seem to understand.

“Put your head back a sec,” she said.  “Let me past.”

He did.

She tried, but couldn’t get everything quite worked out.  She decided the easiest way would be for her to hold his cock and steer it in, and once he was inside her to sort out her kneeling and where she was compared to his mouth.

She did that, still being careful, and then stopped, all shivery and full, while he slid inside her.

She got momentarily distracted.

It was difficult.  It was a little bit too complicated to be completely fun, so she felt like they were spending as much time getting organized as they would actually fucking, before someone’s leg gave out or cramped with all the weird strains.

She had a feeling she wasn’t going to be able to hold herself up there very long.

Travis was watching.  She moved on him a few times, slowly.  Making sure he was properly in and wasn’t going to pop out as she moved.

She looked around, made sure they were set, and then reached back with her arms, held onto the bed behind her, beside his knees, and leaned backwards as far as she could.  It was tricky.  It took a little while to work it out.  She needed to go backwards, and lift her clit, but do it without lifting herself so much he slid right out.

She also needed to be the one to move, she realized, because he couldn’t move at all.  Not bent as far forward as he could go already, and with her on top of him.

She felt like a gymnast.

Like a wheezing unfit gymnast who was being made to look bad by his bendy yoga-ness.

“I can’t see,” she said.  “You need to tell me where you are.”

“Keep going,” he said.

“Which way?”

“Down?”

She stretched and shifted.

“That’s up.  Move your hips down.”

She did something else, with no real idea what.

“Down,” he said.

“Fuck,” she said, suddenly sore, and sat back upright.

He looked up at her, from down between her knees.  His cock was still inside her.  She’d almost forgotten that with all the exercise.

“Just a sec,” she said, and put her arms upward, and wriggled, and then rubbed her back.

“Should have stretched,” Travis said.

“Shut the fuck up,” she said back.

She kneaded her lower back, and decided that was helping.

“You should have done this with someone from yoga class,” she said.

“You’re my friend.”

He said it like he meant it, like it was that simple, and that was actually quite sweet.

She didn’t have a hope of bending down and reaching his mouth to kiss him, so she kissed her hand, and pressed it against his mouth, and then bent herself backwards again, how she’d been.

This time he said, “There,” and then she felt his mouth against her.

“I know,” she said, surprised.

He could actually lick the very top of her clit, while he was still inside her.

It was weird, and complicated, and kind of gimmicky, but it was also sexy.

She was getting oral with a cock inside her, and she’d never got close to doing this before.  She’d never even tried a vibrator while someone went down on her, now she thought about it.

It was good.

It was surprisingly good, for a stupid trick he’d just thought up.  She was full, and he was moving inside her, all slow and hard and slippery.  He had his mouth on her, too, all warm and lapping, and she could feel each little breath he took as well.  She’d always liked that feeling.

It was like a threeway with just him, she thought.  Exactly like a threeway just with him.  All the mechanical parts that mattered, with none of the drama of a third person.

She stayed as she was for a moment, just feeling it.   He was inside her at an odd angle, pressing strangely, but it seemed to be working.  His tongue was slithering, teasing her, making her feel more.

“I’m going to move,” Megan said.  “Um.  Try to.”

Travis made a noise she thought was yes.

She lifted up her hips.  Achingly slowly.  Slowly because she didn’t want him to come out, but it turned out to be the right thing to do.  Moving all slow and circley and deep, with his tongue lapping against her.

She was more sure of herself, after a moment.  Less worried about slipping.

She started thinking about sex, and how he felt, instead of how they were going to manage to do it.

It was good.  Really good.  She started to sigh, started to concentrate on what she was feeling.  She heard his breathing getting faster too.

“I can’t do this for long,” he said suddenly.

“Okay.”

“I mean the stretch.”

“Yep.”

“So we should be quick.”

Megan nodded, then realized he could see her face.  “Just come,” she said.  “Don’t wait on me.”

He didn’t answer.

“Seriously, dude.  It’s a stunt.  Finish, then I’ll go.”

“Okay,” he said.

He wasn’t really able to move, but he seemed to be okay with Megan wriggling around, pushing onto him.

She wriggled as precisely as she could, with as much of an up and down as she could, assuming that was what he needed, the in and out.

“Okay,” he said, and then groaned, and then came.

She felt him spurt inside her, and suddenly realized they probably should have used a condom.

Then realized she didn’t care.

She slowed down, when he seemed to be done, and started to push herself forwards, to climb off.

“Hold on,” he said.

She stopped.

He stretched forward again, and licked her.  Licked her slow, and slithery, and where she could feel semen on herself, on her lips, oozing out hot past his cock.  It must be spread around a bit down there, because it always was after someone came inside her.  It must be spread, and dripping down onto him too.

He licked her anyway.

That was really quite stupidly sexy.  She didn’t know why, but it was.

She realized she was probably making a big deal of nothing.  If he blew himself, she supposed, he probably came when he did, and so he probably didn’t mind semen in his mouth.

She knelt there and thought about that for a moment.  It was almost like they had something in common, in a strange way.  They’d both had him come in their mouths.

She realized she wasn’t concentrating, and also that Travis was still licking.

“Hey,” she said.  “Um.  I thought you needed to stop.”

“In a bit.”

“You’re not sore?”

“Not yet.”  He was answering quickly, in short sentences.

“You’re completely sure I’m not going to hurt you?” she said.

“I’ll keep going as long as I can.”

“Yeah,” Megan said, thinking a bit further ahead.  “So if I come?  And lose it a bit?”

“Try not to.  Lose it.”

She grinned, and grabbed the bed again, and pushed down onto him.

He had gone soft inside her, but she could still feel him a little.  Enough she knew he was there, and enough something was filling her, stopping her feeling all empty.

He was licking semen, too, and that was hot.  The licking semen off her made up for the softness inside.  Even though she wasn’t sure why she cared.

She started moving again, carefully.  Moving for herself now, circling rather than pushing, pressing onto his cock, and shifting underneath his tongue, and getting quite involved in what she was feeling.

Circles worked.  His tongue really worked.

She’d pretty much expected she wouldn’t come, not from this, since it was weird athletic sex.  She’d expected him to get sore, and want to stop, or her legs or arms to cramp.

But she didn’t, and neither did he.

She kept going, sliding on his mouth, lost in what she was feeling.

She suddenly realized how close she was.

“Oh shit,” she said.  “I’m almost there.”

He didn’t say anything, even though she’d half meant it as a question.  She supposed his mouth was full.

“Are you okay?” she gasped.  “For the next minute or so?”

“Yeah,” he said, into her.

“If I do?” she said.

He didn’t answer.  He just kept licking, so assumed he was fine, and kept moving, kept circling, and suddenly felt it tremble through her all hot and shaky and strong.

She lost herself for a moment, wasn’t paying attention.  Sat there, unmoving now, and felt nothing except his tongue.

He stopped, though.  He stopped fairly abruptly.  Far more suddenly than usual.  Almost before she was done.

“Off,” he said.  “Please.”

“Yep,” she said, still a little stunned, and lifted herself up.

Off was harder than she’d expected.  Her legs were sore, now she’d come.  She held onto the bed, and unbent her legs from beside his chest, and eased herself upwards.  Then did yoga of her own, just to get clear of him without standing on his face.

Then she knelt on the bed, rubbing her back and grinning.

Travis unrolled himself from the wall and sat beside her, rubbing his tummy, too.

After a moment she leaned over and rubbed his back.  Just in case it helped.  Because he’d done all the work.

“I’m impressed,” she said.  “Dude.”

He grinned.  “Me too.”

“It worked.’

“It really fucking did.”

She kissed him, and tried to decide if his mouth tasted like semen, just out of curiosity.  She’d never kissed someone who tasted of spunk before.  It didn’t really, she thought, a little disappointed.

“Lie down,” she said.  “I’ll rub your back.”

“Let me stretch.”

She shrugged, and lay down, and he did his yoga and stretched while she watched.  Then he got back on the bed, and she rubbed his back, and then her rubbed hers a little too.

Then, quite proud of themselves, they went to brunch.