This will send me an email if you want to contact me directly.
You’ll probably need to tell me your email address if you want an answer. Obviously.
If you want to be all mysterious and shit, because, let’s face it, mysterious is just more interesting, you can send an email with no reply-to email address. I’m not quite sure why, but you might want to. So if you email and I never answer, that might be because you’re too big a pervert even for me, or it might be because you didn’t fill in the email field. Ha!
To be honest, though, I’m probably NOT going to answer. You can read all of this if you want to know why. But it’s complicated and I’m weird, basically. And I’m really sorry.
[Um, actually, just to try… If I do answer, I’ll post on the page HERE rather than email back, and I’m really sorry but it just seems to feel less weird if it’s in a public space like a message boardy thing than a private one like email. I’m really sorry and I hope that’s okay and please just say if you don’t want an answer there or anything posted about you]
And you should probably know
the last couple of people most of the people who actually tried to talk to me, I went bat-shit hormonal crazy at, so you know, fair warning. So, um, I’m not saying don’t, and not saying I won’t be glad to hear from you, just I’m still a bit funny about this whole talking to strangers on the internets about sex thing.
Update because I fret: And just to we’re all clear, let’s say this. If you email, and you put in an email address, and you don’t say “don’t answer me you pervert”, and you also don’t call me a witch-whore who some deity or deities wishes to smite,
then I’ll probably answer. then I probably still won’t answer, and I’m sorry. But if helps if you say whether you want answer or not, and I’m just saying this because every time someone does I get this little weirded-out guilt-crisis thing about whether I’m supposed to answer or not. As in, whether you’d rather not hear from your paper-bag merchant at all and were just saying something, like a comment, but private, or whether it’s just rude not to acknowledge that you bothered, and you’ll hate me if I seem to be ignoring you. So that. So to be clear. I’ll probably answer, and just say thanks or something, if you include an email address. Because you don’t have to include one if you don’t want to. The form will still work. And just say if it’s weird for you too and you’d rather not hear back. I completely get that shit, trust me.
And clarification update: Um, yeah. All that.
And when I answer, it will probably just be thank you. Because I’m weird, and I’m still not used to this whole smut author thing, and knowing too much about anyone who is reading fucks up my ability to write. Seriously. I don’t know why, it just does. And I assume neither of us want that. So I am really grateful if you bother emailing, but I’ll probably not answer, or I’ll be more aloof in person than I am here, or something batshit. Something, anyways. Because, basically, usually writing isn’t for anyone particular, it’s just there and is, but answering an email is for someone particular, it’s for you, and I’m sorry but that’s really weird, and you start being an actual person, not just the internets, and then I can’t write. Make sense? Yeah, well, it doesn’t to me either, but it is. So I’m really sorry, and please forgive, and hopefully now that’s all clear. Or not really clear, but written down so peoples know what to expect.
Yet more updates: Um, well, being realistic, actually I probably won’t actually answer. I’m just being honest because I haven’t to anyone for ages. So I know it’s rude, and completely self-absorbedly precious of me too, and I’m really sorry, but it’s just too weird sometimes talking back to people. Like for months at a time too weird. As in, public comments are different, because, well, it’s public, but private conversations are sometimes too weird. Because again with the bit about if I start worrying about all this I don’t write. So I’m really sorry if I seem rude, and I’m really glad you did if you did, and this is just to explain. And I’m sorry if I seem full of myself.
And yet more, I’m sorry, but probably the MOST important bit I’m also a bit wary about emailing back because then you have my email. And I don’t know you. Even though you kind of know me. So really not being rude, just trying to explain. Because, being honest, I’ve noticed I’m way more more likely to answer on twitter than email. And also, I’m on wattpad all the time, so that’s really probably better if you want to talk. Because with either of those, well, you don’t get my email so I can stop talking when I need to. Also, it’s in public, like talking to me in a bar rather than walking into my house and shouting at me? If that makes sense, which it probably doesn’t to normal people, but anyways. So maybe, if you must say stuff, then try those? And also, I’m sorry, but I’m a bit too paranoid to look at random websites people ask me to, like ever. So there’s that. And also, I don’t read, so I can’t read your thing, and even if I did I don’t know anything useful and my own published work is full of typos so you don’t really want me to, even though you think you do. And sorry to be all weird, but please just pretend it’s like some kind of social phobia or something. Because omg maybe it is!
Last of all, if you’re emailed already and I didn’t answer, the form probably isn’t broken, and it probably isn’t in spam, so please please just respect that. I can’t answer a lot of the time, often for reasons that won’t make any sense to you, and especially if you’re asking me for something and I don’t know you, then I’m probably not going to answer ever because not answering is easier than saying no. And yes, there are all these polite rules of how to be polite, except not everyone can be. And also, the you having my email thing, because then you can just keep asking. And all of this, especially, if you’re coming over a bit too demanding or intense, and scaring me, which is about me and not you, but I still absolutely won’t answer, ever. So please just deal with that. Although, of course, maybe it’s just that I’m just busy right now and plan to answer, but haven’t yet. Or maybe there’s actual rules about who I talk about sex with on the internet because relationship, and for whatever reason you break them. Whatever it is, me not answering isn’t about you, but emailing again isn’t going to help. It just makes you seem creepy. Like, actually read everything this page. Please. There’s stuff going on you have no idea about, and I get how an answer right now seems incredibly important, but it really just isn’t, becuse nothing is, because zen and cosmic entrophy and how nothing is real and we all die. So please just stop. Thank you. And I’m really, really sorry I just can’t talk as much as people seem to think I should.
Um, also, if you’re just emailing to give me unasked-for writing advice, please, please don’t. Like I’m sure you mean well, but it’s just patronizing and rude and off-putting. So please don’t? And I’m sorry to be so blunt or whatever, saying that. But really, it won’t make any difference anyway, because I just write how I do, and I don’t know how to do it any other way, and can’t do it any other way, so telling me what’s wrong with me isn’t going to change anything and is just going to make me worried and self-conscious. And it is kind of rude, too, because although I get how literary criticism has this super-cool hipsnark thing going on and is all about being a poser meany to everyone, but that’s in actual magazines or whatever, and i hate it but can’t do anything about it, and its kind of differnet to here, anyway, where you’re talking directly to me, and just, well, telling me how to do something that I kind of do every day, and try to do as well as I can. Like, if you don’t like how I wrote something, then maybe go write your own thing instead? And then we’ll both be happy. Yay! And also, and just saying because I think maybe this doesn’t always occur to people being all enthusiastic, but to be honest, the helping comes across as kind of creepy sometimes too. Like its a little too intense, if that makes sense, just bursting out with what I ought to do when I never met you before, like think how this would seem at a party or something? And also its kind of upsetting someone coming here and reading through everything on this page about emailing and hopefully getting some kind of idea of how I’m really not completely confident about writing and not completely okay with talking to people about it, and then telling me what’s wrong with me anyway? That doesn’t always come across how you think, is all. So anyways, probably I’m overreacting, and probably some of this is because I never had anything to do with actual writing groups, or writing clubs, or any of that, and yes I get how that makes me a weirdo in yet another way. But I really don’t get why criticism is supposed to be a useful thing in the first place, and I also don’t get why someone would bother criticising anyway, rather than just reading something else. So all of that, and just, maybe please please don’t? Thank you!
[newest update, January 2015] So okay, new thing to try. If I answer, then I will here. Like without saying anything about you except a fake name and the time. And absolutely not repeating what you said. So it’s still private, for you, but it’s kind of in public for me. Which is kind of the idea, because the part about it being in public is really important, it turns out, so I hope this doesn’t seem unspeakably arrogant or completely weird, but can we try this? Because it seems more okay than just ignoring people’s emails. For which I’m really sorry!
Anyways. Look HERE for answers if you’d like. But honestly, I’m probably way too much fuss and drama to bother about, so go read stories instead!
Um, yeah. So here’s the form, if you want it after all that… and I’m sorry to be weird, and I do actually want you to email if you’d like to, and are being nice, or asking stuff, or whatever, its just I kind of want to be really clear how I might not answer and why is all. I’m sorry.